My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
