Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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