Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
