How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
