i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
