ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
