and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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