I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize