his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
