btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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