My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
