i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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