It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
