I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
