You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
