Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
