My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
