Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
