I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
