My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize