I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
