i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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