Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
