do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize