I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
