dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
