haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
