Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
