Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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