I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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