Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
