We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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