I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
