hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
