It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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