I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
