We won't sleep together?
her vagine was all disorganized.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
