Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize