I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize