Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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