i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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