I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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