Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
