Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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