he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?