Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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