Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
