I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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