i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize