Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
