i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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