his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We need a shit load of segways right now
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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