Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
