I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
