it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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