Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
