we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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