If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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