I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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