im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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