I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
