I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
