Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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