Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
