You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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