apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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