carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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